The Weight We Carry
Photo by Joanne Guillard
Trauma has a way of gripping us—whether it’s something we’ve carried for years or a new wound. As adults, we often think we should have it all figured out by now. But the truth is, trauma doesn’t care about age, status, or circumstance. It lingers in the corners of our minds, impacting everything from relationships to our sense of self.
I’ve grappled with this silent weight and know many others do too. Trauma isn’t something you can just "get over." It creeps into your thoughts, resurfaces unexpectedly, and sometimes leaves you powerless. But we don’t have to pretend it’s not there. We don’t have to carry it alone.
The Unspoken Burden
One of the hardest parts about trauma is the unspoken burden it places on us. We move through our days, trying to keep up with work, relationships, and responsibilities, while beneath the surface, there’s this constant pull—like a current dragging us under. It’s like drowning.
That’s the reality for so many of us. We wake up, go to work, and put on a brave face, but inside, the past is still alive. Trauma doesn't stay in the past—it replays, it’s echoing in the background, and follows us into the present. And sometimes, we’re left wondering if it will ever truly leave.
Navigating the Shadows
When I think of the moments where trauma hit the hardest, it wasn’t always in the obvious places. It was in quiet moments—folding laundry, driving home from work, or lying in bed at night when the world was still. The memories resurface, uninvited. They demand attention.
Even when we think we’ve moved past something mentally our bodies remember. The anxiety, the panic, the hypervigilance—it’s as if our body is constantly preparing for the next blow.
Struggling with Relationships
One area where trauma has affected me most is in relationships. When you’ve been hurt deeply, it’s hard to trust again. There’s always that fear lingering—what if they betray me? What if I’m not enough? Trauma has us expecting the worst, even from those who love us.
It’s exhausting, being on guard all the time. But that’s the reality of trauma—it doesn’t give you rest.
Battling Inner Voices
Another way trauma shows itself is through the voices in our heads—the ones that whisper we’re not enough, not worthy, broken beyond repair. They become so deeply rooted that you begin to believe them.
I’ve heard it all before. Over and over, the words people have thrown at me: “You’re not good enough,” “You’re ugly,” “You’re stupid.” The echoes grow so loud, drowning out everything else.
There’s a quote by Haruki Murakami that says: “And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure whether the storm is over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what the storm is all about.”
Trauma leaves its mark. It alters us, leaving invisible scars. But those scars don’t have to tell the whole story. They don’t have to be forever.
Healing is Not Seemless
Healing is anything but a straight path. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that the journey isn’t smooth. There are moments when you think you’ve finally escaped its grip, only for something small to drag you right back to where you started. And that’s okay. Healing is messy. It’s unpredictable, and it’s far from easy.
Some days, there’s light, there’s hope. Other days, it feels like you’re drowning all over again. But every single day you keep moving, you’re doing the work. You’re choosing to face the pain instead of letting it consume you.
Finding Your Way Through
For me, writing has always been a lifeline. It’s where I pour my thoughts, my pain, my reflections. Some people find solace in therapy, others in art, music, or talking to a friend. The important thing is to find your outlet—your way of processing the trauma that still lingers.
There’s no shame in seeking help. There’s no shame in admitting that trauma has affected you. It doesn’t make you weak. Surviving it makes you strong in ways others can’t even comprehend.
Trauma in adulthood isn’t something we’re prepared for—it feels like a betrayal like we should’ve “outgrown” those wounds by now. But the truth is, that trauma doesn’t follow a timeline. It stays with us, lingering in the shadows, until we face it head-on and learn how to heal.
I’ll leave you with this: “Healing doesn’t mean the damage never happened. It means the damage no longer controls our lives.”
We all carry scars. Some we can see, some we can’t. But as long as we’re still standing it’s possible. The road is long, but we don’t have to walk alone.
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